# Closer Question Content Guide

## Purpose

This guide defines the writing philosophy, voice, and tone for Closer question packs. It answers *how* questions should sound and *why*.

For JSON schema and validation rules, see `QUESTION_SCHEMA.md`.
For the active rewrite plan and category order, see `QUESTION_REWRITE_PLAN.md`.

---

# 1. The Closer Voice

Closer should sound:

- warm
- private
- plainspoken
- emotionally honest
- lightly playful when appropriate
- easy to answer
- respectful of both partners
- safe and non-pressuring

Closer should not sound:

- robotic
- overly formal
- fake-deep
- preachy
- judgmental
- clinical
- like a therapist worksheet
- like a corporate wellness app
- sexually pushy
- repetitive
- awkwardly generated

## Voice rule

A good Closer question should sound like something a real person could comfortably ask their partner.

Bad:

```
What boundary around money boundaries would help you feel respected?
```

Better:

```
What money boundary would help you feel more respected?
```

Best:

```
What is one money habit we could agree on that would make things feel calmer between us?
```

---

# 2. Core Writing Standard

Every question should pass this test:

- Would a real couple actually answer this?
- Is it clear in one read?
- Does it sound natural out loud?
- Does it invite honesty without blaming either partner?
- Does it fit the pack topic?
- Does it avoid sounding like AI generated filler?

If the answer is no, rewrite it.

---

# 3. Product Goal

Questions should create moments like:

- "I didn't know that."
- "Really?"
- "That's adorable."
- "We should do that."
- laughter
- flirting
- nostalgia
- future plans

Questions should not create moments like:

- "What does this even mean?"
- "Why is this worded so strangely?"
- "This feels like therapy homework."
- "This sounds too intense."
- "This sounds too sexual too fast."
- "This feels repetitive."
- "This makes me feel accused."

---

# 4. Fun-First Rule

Most Closer questions should feel enjoyable to answer.

That does not mean every question has to be silly, flirty, or light. Some packs cover serious topics like boundaries, trust, money, conflict, sex, and repair. But even serious packs should not feel like homework, interrogation, therapy intake forms, or emotional labor.

The user should usually feel one or more of these after answering:

- Interested
- Amused
- Comforted
- Wanted
- Understood
- Curious
- Relieved
- Closer

A Closer question should avoid making users feel:

- Accused
- Tested
- Pressured
- Drained
- Embarrassed in a bad way
- Like they are doing therapy homework
- Like they are about to start a fight

## Fun-First Balance by Pack Type

Use this as the default balance unless the pack has a special reason to be different.

| Pack type | Light / playful / easy | Meaningful / practical | Deeper |
|---|---:|---:|---:|
| Fun, Date Night, Home Life | 60-70% | 20-30% | 10% |
| Boundaries, Trust, Conflict | 30-40% | 40-50% | 10-20% |
| Sex, Desire, Physical Intimacy | 40-50% | 30-40% | 10-20% |
| Money, Future, Values | 35-45% | 40-50% | 10-15% |

## Fun Does Not Mean Shallow

A fun question can still reveal something real.

Weak:

```
What is your favorite color?
```

Better:

```
What color would you pick for a room that felt like us?
```

Weak:

```
What food do you like?
```

Better:

```
What meal would instantly make a night together feel better?
```

Weak:

```
What date sounds fun?
```

Better:

```
What is a low-effort date that would still make you excited to see me?
```

## Serious Does Not Mean Heavy

Even serious topics should be written in a way that feels safe and answerable.

Too heavy:

```
What unresolved emotional wound affects our relationship dynamic?
```

Better:

```
What is one thing we could handle more gently with each other?
```

Too confrontational:

```
What do I do that makes you not trust me?
```

Better:

```
What small action helps you feel more secure with me?
```

Too clinical:

```
What communication structure would support healthier conflict resolution?
```

Better:

```
When we disagree, what helps us slow down before it turns into a fight?
```

## Fun-First Review Questions

Before finalizing a pack, ask:

- Would this pack feel enjoyable to open after a long day?
- Are there enough easy questions to keep users from feeling drained?
- Would a couple want to compare answers?
- Does the pack include curiosity, play, warmth, or sweetness?
- Are the deeper questions spaced out enough?
- Does the pack still feel like Closer, not therapy homework?

If a pack feels too heavy, add more light, playful, practical, or curiosity-based questions.

---

# 5. Category Purpose

Every pack needs a clear purpose.

Before writing a pack, define:

- PACK_NAME=
- PACK_PURPOSE=
- USER_FEELING=
- RELATIONSHIP_OUTCOME=
- FREE_VALUE=
- PREMIUM_VALUE=

Example:

- PACK_NAME=Date Night
- PACK_PURPOSE=Help couples plan, enjoy, and remember time together.
- USER_FEELING=Playful, wanted, relaxed, connected.
- RELATIONSHIP_OUTCOME=More intentional time together without pressure.
- FREE_VALUE=Easy, fun, low-pressure date questions.
- PREMIUM_VALUE=Deeper romance, planning preferences, rut-breaking, and memory-making prompts.

---

# 6. Question Depth Levels

Use depth intentionally.

## Light

Light questions should be easy, fun, and low-pressure.

Examples:

```
What is a simple date we could do with almost no planning?
What snack would make a movie night feel complete?
Would you rather go out for dessert or stay in with a blanket?
```

## Medium

Medium questions should reveal preferences, needs, feelings, or patterns.

Examples:

```
What makes a night together feel special instead of routine?
What helps you feel like I really want to spend time with you?
What is one thing that would make date night easier for us to follow through on?
```

## Deep

Deep questions should invite vulnerability without pressure or blame.

Examples:

```
When have you felt most wanted by me, and what made it feel that way?
What kind of attention from me makes you feel closest?
What do you miss about the way we used to spend time together?
```

## Depth rules

- Light questions should not feel shallow or useless.
- Medium questions should not feel like a confrontation.
- Deep questions should not feel like a trap.
- Sensitive questions should never pressure a partner to disclose, forgive, explain, or perform.

---

# 7. Banned or Overused Phrases

Avoid these unless there is a very good reason.

```
What boundary around...
hold space
emotional container
relationship dynamic
intentional intimacy
deepen our connection
in this season
needs met
love language
safe space
show up for you
lean into
create space for
feel seen and heard
navigate conflict
honor your needs
```

These phrases are not always wrong, but they quickly make the app sound generic or clinical.

Use natural language instead.

Instead of:

```
How can I hold space for your needs?
```

Use:

```
When you are having a hard day, what helps you feel supported by me?
```

Instead of:

```
How can we deepen intentional intimacy?
```

Use:

```
What is one small thing that makes you want to be closer to me?
```

---

# 8. Tone Rules by Pack Type

## Fun packs

Should feel light, playful, and easy.

Use:

```
What is a tiny adventure we could do without spending much?
What inside joke of ours still makes you laugh?
What would make an ordinary night feel more fun?
```

Avoid:

```
How can we optimize shared leisure experiences?
```

---

## Date Night packs

Should feel romantic, playful, practical, and low-pressure.

Use:

```
What kind of date would feel easy but still special?
What would make you feel like I planned the night with you in mind?
What is one date we keep talking about but never actually do?
```

Avoid:

```
What date structure would best support our connection goals?
```

---

## Boundaries packs

Should feel respectful, calm, and non-accusing.

Use:

```
What is one thing you wish we handled more gently?
When you need alone time, what helps you feel understood instead of distant?
What is a small boundary that would make our home feel calmer?
```

Avoid:

```
What boundary around boundaries would support emotional safety?
```

---

## Conflict packs

Should feel safe, repair-focused, and not blaming.

Use:

```
When we disagree, what helps you stay open instead of shutting down?
What is one thing I can do during an argument that would help us slow down?
What helps you feel like we are on the same team again?
```

Avoid:

```
What do I always do wrong during conflict?
```

---

## Trust packs

Should feel careful, honest, and non-punishing.

Use:

```
What small action helps you trust me more?
What makes an apology feel real to you?
What helps you feel reassured without feeling like you had to ask too much?
```

Avoid:

```
What have I done to make you unable to trust me?
```

---

## Sex, desire, and physical intimacy packs

Should feel adult, consent-based, respectful, optional, and never pushy.

Use:

```
What kind of affection helps you feel wanted without feeling pressured?
What helps you feel comfortable talking about desire with me?
What is one way I can make physical closeness feel safer and more relaxed?
```

Avoid:

```
What should I do to make sure you give me more sex?
What fantasy do you have to tell me tonight?
Why do you not want me more?
```

Sensitive packs should include:

- Consent-first wording.
- No pressure.
- No shame.
- No assumptions about gender roles.
- No assumptions about sex drive.
- No coercive language.
- No questions that pressure disclosure of trauma.

---

# 9. Sex / Identity Targeting Rule

Some Closer packs are general relationship packs. Some packs, especially Desire Sync and sexual preference packs, may need identity-aware filtering.

Use the `sex` field carefully.

## Default Rule

Use `"sex": "neutral"` when the question can apply naturally to any adult partner.

Most questions should be neutral when the same wording works for everyone.

Good neutral examples:

```
What kind of kiss makes you forget what you were saying?
What kind of flirting gets your attention fastest?
What helps you feel comfortable saying what you want?
What kind of touch makes you melt the quickest?
```

## When to Use Female or Male

Use `"sex": "female"` or `"sex": "male"` only when the app intentionally filters questions by the user's selected identity and the question is truly written for that identity or body context.

Do not mark a question female or male just because the pack is sexual. A lot of sexual preference questions can stay neutral.

## Do Not Create Lazy Duplicates

Do not create female/male duplicates unless the wording, answer options, or body-context genuinely needs to be different.

Bad:

```
Female: What kind of kiss turns you on?
Male: What kind of kiss turns you on?
```

That should be one neutral question.

Better:

```
Neutral: What kind of kiss makes you want more?
```

Use targeted questions only when they add real value.

## Avoid Gender Stereotypes

Do not assume:

- Men always want more sex.
- Women always need romance first.
- Men always lead.
- Women always receive.
- One partner is dominant because of gender.
- One partner is shy because of gender.
- Desire works the same way for everyone in a gender group.

Bad:

```
Male: How often do you need sex to feel loved?
Female: How can your partner make you feel safe enough to want sex?
```

Better:

```
Neutral: What helps you feel wanted without feeling pressured?
Neutral: What helps you move from daily stress into desire?
```

## Same-Sex and Nonbinary Safety

Even if the app currently asks users to identify as male or female, question wording should avoid making couples feel excluded.

Do not assume every couple is male/female.

Do not assume one answer belongs to "the woman" and another belongs to "the man."

If a question can work for any couple, keep it neutral.

## Recommended Mix for Sexual Preferences

For `sexual_preferences.json`, use this as the default content mix unless the app logic requires something different:

- 70-80% neutral
- 10-15% female-targeted
- 10-15% male-targeted

The neutral questions should carry most of the pack because they work across more couples.

The female/male questions should only be used where targeting makes the experience better.

## Required Claude Rule

Before rewriting `sexual_preferences.json`, Claude must verify how the app uses the `sex` field.

Claude should check:

- How users select or store sex/gender/identity.
- Whether Desire Sync filters by `sex`.
- Whether the app supports `neutral`, `female`, and `male`.
- Whether same-sex couples receive usable questions.
- Whether both partners can receive neutral questions.
- Whether female/male questions are hidden from users they are not meant for.
- Whether changing all questions to neutral would break intended Desire Sync behavior.

Claude must not remove female/male targeting unless the product owner confirms that neutral-only is the intended design.

Claude must not create female/male questions unless the app filtering logic supports them.

## Safe Values

Allowed `sex` values:

- neutral
- female
- male

Do not invent new values unless the app schema is updated first.

## Final Rule

Use neutral by default. Use female or male only when it is intentional, supported by app logic, non-stereotyped, and genuinely improves the question.

---

# 10. Safety Rules

Closer is not therapy, counseling, crisis support, or medical advice.

Questions must not:

- Encourage staying in unsafe relationships.
- Pressure forgiveness.
- Minimize abuse.
- Encourage sexual pressure.
- Ask users to disclose trauma before they are ready.
- Diagnose a partner.
- Tell a partner what they owe.
- Encourage monitoring, control, or isolation.

## Abuse-sensitive rule

Avoid questions that frame controlling behavior as a normal boundary.

Bad:

```
What rule should we have about who your partner can talk to?
```

Better:

```
What helps you feel secure in our relationship while still respecting each other's independence?
```

## Consent rule

Bad:

```
How can I get you to be more physically affectionate?
```

Better:

```
What kind of affection feels good to you when you are open to closeness?
```

---

# 11. Wording Rules

## Keep questions short

Aim for 8 to 22 words when possible.

Long questions are okay only when the topic needs softness or context.

## Ask one thing at a time

Bad:

```
What boundary do you need around family, money, friends, work, and rest so you feel loved and respected?
```

Better:

```
What family boundary would make our relationship feel more protected?
```

## Avoid stacked emotional words

Bad:

```
What would help you feel safe, seen, valued, loved, respected, and emotionally connected?
```

Better:

```
What helps you feel respected by me?
```

## Avoid vague "more" questions

Bad:

```
How can we be more connected?
```

Better:

```
What is one thing we could do tonight to feel closer?
```

## Avoid blame

Bad:

```
What do I do that makes date night feel bad?
```

Better:

```
What tends to make date night harder for you to enjoy?
```

---

# 12. Human Read-Aloud Test

Before finalizing, read 25 random questions out loud.

Reject questions that:

- Sound stiff.
- Sound embarrassing for the wrong reason.
- Sound like a therapy script.
- Sound too much like another question.
- Take too long to understand.
- Would make a normal couple roll their eyes.

---

# 13. Good Question Examples by Category

## Date Night

```
What is a date we could plan this month that would feel easy but special?
What makes you feel like I really wanted time with you?
What kind of date helps you relax the fastest?
What is one date we should bring back?
What would make a regular night feel romantic?
```

## Boundaries

```
When you need space, what helps you feel understood instead of distant?
What is one small boundary that would make our home feel calmer?
What topic do you wish we handled more gently?
What helps you feel trusted instead of checked up on?
What is one way we can protect our time together from outside stress?
```

## Communication

```
What helps you open up when something is bothering you?
When do you feel easiest to talk to me?
What is one thing I could say more often?
What makes a hard conversation feel safer?
What helps you know I am really listening?
```

## Fun

```
What is something silly we should do together soon?
What little adventure would make this week better?
What is an inside joke of ours that you still love?
What would make tonight feel less boring?
What is something we should try just because it sounds fun?
```

## Trust

```
What small action helps you trust me more?
What makes an apology feel real to you?
What helps you feel reassured without having to ask twice?
What is one promise that matters a lot to you?
What helps us feel like we are on the same team?
```

## Physical Intimacy

```
What kind of affection helps you feel closest to me?
When do you feel most comfortable being physically close?
What helps touch feel relaxed instead of expected?
What small affectionate habit would you like more of?
What makes cuddling or closeness feel safe and easy?
```

---

# 14. Final Standard

A finished Closer question pack should feel:

- Human.
- Warm.
- Private.
- Clear.
- Useful.
- Specific.
- Enjoyable.
- Respectful.
- Worth paying for.

If a question does not help a couple feel closer, understand each other, laugh together, plan something, repair something, or feel safer with each other, it probably does not belong in Closer.
